Choosing & Finding The Right Therapist For You.

Deciding, finding and connecting to the right therapist for you can be daunting and often off putting.

Having been through a life times worth of counselors, psychotherapists, CBT, and healers, I learnt a few things about connecting with the right therapist.

So, I put together a list of things to think about when finding the ideal therapist for you to help you overcome your needs.

1) Firstly, are you triggered by talking about your experiences? If this is a big yes, then I personally wouldn’t recommend counseling, talking therapies or CBT. Although each of these therapies have great tools which can help you along your healing journey, neither of them have the tools to deal with all of the ‘stuff’ that has come up within the session.

I often refer to these forms of talking therapies as vomiting out the congested emotions and experiences within you, only to leave still holding this in your hands, now looking at it out of its contained box from within, with no way of knowing what to do with it.

Also, my experience of these therapies is that they are following text box rules. They want you talk about your childhood, which for most of us with trauma is where the trauma came from. If you go to graphic, they can not and will not listen to what you say and very often silence you and move onto the next subject.

Bringing up the past, digging and then not dealing with the issues at hand. Retriggered and left alone to deal with these raw issues.

2. Many therapists are doing this role as a job. A great question to ask someone in this position is “have you ever experienced trauma and come through the other side?”.

How can someone who does this form of emotional work really have clear understanding and rapport when you are triggered and reliving the moments that they have brought up in you?

3. What experience of real trauma have they had and how have they overcome it them selves or with clients?

What has been their success rate of healing and over what time frame?

4. What coping mechanisms do they have for being retriggered? What about when you leave their office?

Yes, it is good to talk, and in that moment of speaking about your deepest darkest issues, it can be so relieving to have let them out, but what about when you leave, what coping mechanisms do you have?

When you know what outcome you want to get from having therapy work can enable you to find the right therapist, by asking the right questions, having a clear plan and time of what will happen and how.

These are some very good questions to think about before looking at seeking a therapist or healer.

I used to think that I was just not worthy or meant to be healed. Having a huge breakdown a week after finishing intensive CBT. When my own mentor and healer wrote me off, it was like a “ok, I’m not worthy or deserving of being fixed”, so I lived in my victim mentality of why me?

As a healer and therapist myself, I was having the most amazing transformations in others, but never myself. I had tackled my PTSD from my second child’s birth, but still had minor PTSD from losing my son 11 years before. Still living with the emotions and trauma of my childhood from the abuse I went through.

All of the work I had done on being enough, being deserving and loving myself, was I cursed?

It’s only when I found the right mentor, or she found me at the point where I said “I’ve had enough of this, feeling this way”, that I really started to look at all the tools I had and implementing them that my mentor appeared.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”

I learnt that I was not abnormal, unworthy or undeserving or healing, I just hadn’t found the right modality or teacher for me.

I learnt that the energy of the emotions I was carrying came in different formations from what I was used to working with, they needed unpicking, and best of all, I didn’t need to do deep into the trauma at the beginning, all I had to do was clear the energy of this trauma. It’s been a remarkable journey, and made me the therapist and mentor that I am today.

I remember being told many many years ago, that I would one day put all of my pain to good work. I never understood how this would ever be so, but I have used each and every part of my experiences to help others overcome theirs, because I get it, I understand, I feel it.

Overcoming that big black cloud of depresssion that had held over me fo so long has been life changing, almost unbelievable, I still want to pinch myself most days that I feel so good.

If you are struggling and not knowing where to turn or what to do, my door is always open.

Contact me on and let’s have a chat about what we can do for you, or where you should go.

Much love as always


About the Author Jeani Howard

Jeani is an award winning therapist, healer, author and speaker. Jeani has on her own journey of healing overcome PTSD, clinical depression and agonising anxiety. A mother of 4 who suffered with birth trauma and pre and post natal depression, now prides herself on having worked with 1000's of adults, adolescents and women through pregnancy, labour and their transition into motherhood.

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